A Place Other Than Home

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 11:00:26 GMT

SO after having this account for so many years...I have thought about finally getting rid of it. How many people in who read this will be upset?

Sat, 14 Nov 2009 09:51:19 GMT

Don't know exactly what to post for tonight. I'm slightly tipsy. And no I wasn't that way before I got home. I just caught up with the bunch who was having a drunken orgy in my apartment when I got back from visiting with my family.

Fun times.

I'm slightly down. I need a hero. Metaphorically speaking. So far no one has taken the position to truly take every last dark part of me as a part of who I really am.

I think I'm slowly falling into a darkness that will finally consume my phoenix, and smother the immortal fire. But I don't know if it will really happen or not. I have my little lives that I must live for. Plus a promise I vowed never to break because I told this one girl...woman that I'd never go into a darkness that she could not follow me into. It is the one promise I intend never to break as I slowly lose my sanity to my own paranoia. Or as another beloved woman in my heart said to me...that I live to be unhappy. Am I truly that way? I will never know. All I know is those I love leave me when I need them the most. And I do not verbal explain it fully. Then again I grew up learning that weakness is not an option. Stoic. Not so. The wall I have are crumbling so badly. And I might have to turn to someone I should not have to because...like I said...no one could be that one to support me as I fall. I'm either too unstable or one that should not be worried about.

I am once was called a coward. Perhaps I am. I am however in poverty and chose to live as such because my live will not yield anything good. I will establish relationships with people who I mark as my beloveds. I will love countless people. But I will blink out unknown, and not fought for because they cannot fight for a living corpse.

I wonder at times. Is it the undying passion in my being that keeps me going. Will no one save me from what I am? And what am I? Just some sad unhappy girl destine to nothing but agony only brought on by wanting to love what no one else can because it is truly beautiful. To love at all. I had heard once that I live to be loved. I live to love. That I am sure. But I need an equal or a greater to love me in return. I have met maybe one such person, but I cannot accept them due to my sexual preference.

So I do not know. I do not know. I just don't. I shall sully myself instead.

There was a point I would have left everything. All I had to hear at that time was yes. Just that.

Sad girl...just die inside me and leave me alone. Leave it all behind and wake up tomorrow not knowing or caring. Go back to the life without morals. Return to the drunk. Return to pointless endeavors and bleed the heart out. Just die.

Die and be no more at all. I want freedom from my mind. I want to be saved so badly. But a hero has no hero. A protector cannot be protected. I cannot be saved until my end. I hope it will be soon. I hope I die horrible. Painfully. Through that I can repent all. To whatever higher power there is. I can be free only in that moment.

So I will continue. I will go on and save and be not saved because it must be.....

Something greater. something better.

just something other than this nothingness.

What Not To Do?

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 13:10:22 GMT

1. Lifting weights with a sore body.

2. Going from one job to the next.

3. Chaining smoking while sick.

4. Letting your pets rule your life.

5. Letting a little bit of depression destroy your life.

Okay enough numbering. I've been working none stop since my tiny vacation to Atlanta, GA. Needless to say I went into work yesterday early because I had nothing else to do. So I came in one hour ahead of schedule just to be of some help. HOLY FUCKING GOD!!!! Why did everyone and God want espresso-coffee-unholy caffeine drinks at the same time. Within a rush of four hours. Yeah a FOUR hour long rush we had made over 3000 dollars for that night. We went over quota for the day. However the stress drove my dear roommate who also works me into a lockjaw stress. And he had a panic attack after we sent him home. ALSO because me and my co-worker Micheal had been labeled as messy workers we decided to make sure the WHOLE store got done up right. So we close at the right time (2am) and start our massive task of restocking everything. Somewhere around 5:18am in the morning I reach my car. By the time I got back to my apartment the sun was just below the horizon. So I lay down on my bed for about 30 minutes or so. Blaze makes the lovely hairball sounds. I rush over. Scruff her and drag her to an area I don't really mind her hairballing on. Then decide. "Oh well...I'm up. Fuck sleeping for two hours. I might as well go take and shower and get ready for the day because I haven't been to the lab in an entire week. Got to make up for lost time. ~_~ In all honesty working nine hours will probably kill me but. I worked a 12 hour shift already what's another 9 hours. It should be fun because I intend on drugging myself at 5pm when I get home and I'm sleeping until thursday. I need the money that badly. Isn't it sad. But I have a plan of sleeping at the lab so maybe luck will be on my side. Maybe it won't. Where are my happy days?

I wish I wasn't a terrible prideful girl, but I will try and not mooch off of my parents. I'm turning 25 in a couple of weeks. Good god I used to be so good at taking care of myself. I guess it's not that easy when you indirectly support a friend for awhile. Good grief. I'm not complaining about that. We do crazy things when we love someone unconditionally. And I can say I really do love that kid unconditionally. Damn me and my big heart. I hope he's okay. Hell I don't even know if he's home. Hmmm I could head off to work now. Or just hang out at Caribou. LOL That sounds like a plan to me.

YAY no life! Yay! Sleep deprivation. GO ME. GO TEAM DISNEY!! don't ask.

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 06:48:41 GMT

My champion of my heart does not exist. There is no savior for fools of sin. There is warped curse drowning my soul. Embracing me to the very end. And death shall not ease the pain caused by beauty's lashings. Bitter sweet to love blindly. Running to save those who will not turn around when you fall. asking the world to roll off your back for just a second. To love arrogance strongly and something no one could attempt.

I will stop eventually and the shell will go on for me so I can die inside completely.

------------------------

just a little creative writing for tonight. pride was great. though in all honesty I felt like a bitter single lesbian. i work too much and i'm too poor to care. What money I had I spent it on a vacation with friends. time to sleep on my soiled bed. don't you love cats....i unfortunately do.

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 06:44:20 GMT

So i believe it is truly sad when you easily can be swayed by jealousy alone. And words that seed strong doubt.

I'm thankful for a beer, my first since sunday of which I only had one. Tomorrow is another long day of bullshitting. And working both jobs; 9am to 2:30am. Ya... Fun.

This is stupidly cheezy and pure paranoia on my part, but I am jealous of two women in the world. The one with Trevor and the one with the girl I failed who lives in GA.

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ugh

Tue, 06 Oct 2009 05:36:17 GMT

so it is somewhat odd the choice I have made. Daunting at best. I dropped out. Mmmm what to do from there because I don't really know. Still have two jobs. Joy

For those it concerns

Sun, 06 Sep 2009 05:35:28 GMT

">Knee surgery went wonderfully and now all I have to do is learn how to walk on my leg with a sore knee.

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A mind

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 08:21:41 GMT

With thoughts set aside that is easy said than done. the demons come out at night and become drunk at the celebration of the hour of their birth. Those succubi come out after their favorite victims the ones that could break away before too much. though the damage done the succubi know their power. So they play coy hearted, the wounded, and the honest hero. They play the victim to their best and try to catch their prey.

Fight back I say. Fight as hard as you can. though they like the fight. They know better than the victim does. they know all of their victims weaknesses. This one victim lay against a shallow grave and the heart inside them rips. Blood soaks the ground as the succubus takes what it needs. though the victim holds a strong card and keep the freshest wound from slipping until the succubus is gone.

So they are left their to bleed their lot. And what a damnable lot it is to fight themself. To fall victim to their own mind. To lose themself to everything and nothing at all. Torture and always reminded that as intentions go they are left over for the next demon to consume. But if only a blinded fallen angel could see what pains they truly feel. So the victim is in love with a being far superior to that of the succubus and has played that card. However their slumbering lover will never know of a meeting between the succubus and their wounded lover.

Crashed upon what grave the lover stumbles. Only to run into dim reflections of the past. Wanted venture that never passed. Wanted pleasures that sting like acid. Things that they would die to have ripped from their being. All for not, for it is what makes them who they are. What pains make beauty shine brighter. What sorrow makes the delicate natural grow softer. As the wounded lover lies to their fallen angel. Their very own Goddess of Death. So dangerously beautiful and something that their wildest dream could never touch. and so desperately wanting to be saved by that Goddess that is so in reach and yet unable to see all that plagues the lover.

A madness rambling to a still wind that cannot carry their voice.

Sat, 18 Jul 2009 16:07:39 GMT

So I am posting from my phone in hopes that my new technology will be all super impressive. Outside of the obvious I did sleep pretty well and I think I dreamt about dancing to lady gaga song with my sister Kathy.

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crap

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 04:20:15 GMT

Desires alone can drive one to the edge of madness and perhaps beyond that. It at times makes me wonder how far my desires will drive me, and it makes me wonder of the forms of desire that exist within me. I desire love above anything else. However that desire in itself is fatalistic for someone such as myself. A person that thrives on conflict and negativity to help them stay alive. It is the need of that jolt; that is the driving subconscious desire within me that rules everything I am. It is horrible that I see nothing else.

My carnal desire when they hit, and it really is as if they hit, those desire control the physical nature of me body. The tender aches that travel through and throughout the most sensitive regions. The power that the mind will have when give that desire. How one's imagination can easily tense your body. How vivid this dream can be as the hands a lips of your lover are there when you need and want them. However, it can be heart breaking. That carnal desire pulls deep in your soul and searches for the one that you want; that your body wants. and the image of your lover changes to them. The one that is gone. And your heart breaks as your body burns with ecstasy.

There are seconds that desires truly go no where. and there are times it is everything. so fighting them is more of trail than anything else. Soon you are drained beyond belief without having to have done anything at all.

Restore

Sat, 11 Jul 2009 10:05:34 GMT

Mend thorough and swift
May this heart always stay set adrift
For in mere idle dreams I lay
'Cross this bed you make
Fancy simple me though
Your heart does make a sigh
For a tremble and blush
For your words cause my blood to rush
A grin and even thoughts alone
I am all for you and no one else to own

"River Flows In You"

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 08:33:51 GMT

it was the trickling leaves of the autumn that led me to you. The sweetest dance of words and jesting of hearts til truth broken through and off the edge of a cliff I went. Soaring to the depths of a frightful unknown breaking through and into part of my heart that touch the eternity inside me. The journey long spent through agony and trails lead through a wind dusted with sabers and raindrop razors. Through the torn shredded sanity I rose soaked in my rich red. Stumbling to arms of a crazed queen. we violently danced and fell 'til the hem of my wounded heart had come undone. So on and on i wonder and wander. On and on constant calling your name knowing you hear but a deaf ear it comes to my voice. Silenced and broken my wings are uplift and braced by family of air. a kin of soul and song. my younger kin from another time as one blood we stood years and years ago. I learn...I live...I breathe. I fly. And with breathe of fire called love I soar triumphantly into the sky lighting my way as I go.

Flight uncertain. Shores unknown my tired wings coast closer to a perch on cliff side once again. Uncertain and much more woren than even know. Ready to die for one last chance. For the heart in the chest of this glass and clothe is nothing more than pins and needles. So to the autumn I return unmarked and still.

Stolen from a friend

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 02:30:43 GMT

The tale of Love and Madness

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans
set foot on it for the first time, virtues and vices floated around and
were bored, not knowing what to do.

One day, all the vices and virtues were gathered together
and were more bored than ever. Suddenly, Ingenious came up with an idea:
"Let's play hide and seek!"

All of them liked the idea and immediately Madness shouted:
"I want to count, I want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough
to want to seek Madness, all the others agreed. Madness leaned against a
tree and started to count: "One, two, three..."

As Madness counted, the vices and virtues went hiding.
Tenderness hung itself on the horn of the moon, Treason hid in a pile of
garbage. Fondness curled up between the clouds and Passion went to the center of the earth. Lie said that it would hide under a stone,
but hid at the bottom of the lake, whilst Avarice entered a sack that he
ended up breaking. And Madness continued to count: "... seventy
nine, eighty, eighty one..."

By this time, all the vices and virtues were already hidden
- except Love.
For undecided as Love is, he could not decide where to
hide. And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult
it is to hide Love.

Madness: "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just
when Madness got to one hundred, Love jumped into a rose bush where he
hid.

And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!"

As Madness turned around, Laziness was the first to be
found, because Laziness had no energy to hide. Then he spotted Tenderness
in the horn of the moon, Lie at the bottom of the lake and Passion at the
center of the earth. One by one, Madness found them all - except Love.

Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love. Envious
of Love, Envy whispered to Madness: "You only need to find Love, and Love
is hiding in the rose bush."

Madness grabbed a wooden pitch fork and stabbed wildly at
the rose bush.
Madness stabbed and stabbed until a heartbreaking cry made
him stop. Love appeared from the rose bush, covering his face with his
hands. Between his fingers ran two trickles of blood from his eyes.

Madness, so anxious to find Love, had stabbed out Love's
eyes with a pitch fork. "What have I done! What have I done!" Madness
shouted. "I have left you blind! How can I repair it?"

And Love answered: "You cannot repair my eyes. But if you
want to do something for me, you can be my guide."

And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind
and is always accompanied by Madness.

Helping my favorite Drag Queen

Mon, 04 May 2009 02:11:39 GMT

: http://rupaulcasting.com/people/ChloeVonTrapp

Go to the link. And for the love of Mike! Vote for Chloe. She is the most awesome dragqueen ever. I totally am fooled by how well he looks a like a she. Superb performer. Quite the diva. vote. please.

Idea

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:42:54 GMT

It was moment I could not turn back from. A heart can only stay so strong when removed from the light of its lover. It can only be so strong when the soul is so beaten down. Weakness falls on us all, right? I thought it did, but sometimes I like to just blame myself. Who knew what one week could do. How simple talking can turn into sharing of deep emotions beyond what you could imagine. The emotional sharing goes into a friendly game of tongue and cheek; flirting in childish manner. And the week is over but you still proceed to talk to that person and you discover the attention from them is more eage than what you had previously recieved. You enjoyed it. You needed to be need. The rush of want was filling you heart with sick delight because you were willignly doing wrong and some part of you knew, but you honestly believed you could control it. The matters of the heart are not easy things to control and heart works on affections without your knowledge. Haste in your flirting brings it to an entirely different level. Now you're flirt sexually and you don't know this kind of rush.

What do you do? What can you do? You're neck deep and you like it. So you get cocky and flirt back. And then things start getting heated. The is a sense of seriousness in what you want because the light in your life has gone again. By this time you are trying to sort out your feeling on what level. You have no idea, but it will be something that haunts you until the end of your days. This one choice can make or break you with a simple shift. You go as your heart beats so much faster than it ever had with that light, that love, this was a different intensity all together. It was hot, wild, passionate, crazy, and spontaneous; something that almost scream forever but something that was not suppose to be. A crime of passion perhaps. And one day you say it sealing your dark deeds once and for all. "I love you..." You say it because you mean it. You are not the kind of person who acts without knwoing their heart. And you know its love but it is a kind of love you are not certain of. Of course, you could never predict the chaos that insued from it. The heart ache and the pain.....the realization that love has many faces and there is no such thing as "which one is greater." Ultimately there has to be a choice. And the stabbing pain you feel every waking second is the one that you know so well. It was the part of you heart that you destroy and let her destroy too. And you share that bond with maybe one person because the story is much more compelx than that. The story on an emotional level dwarfs fairytales of old and makes ancient romance seem like a template of your love.

So you are left with a nightmare of a dream. A beautiful dream where you cannot willingly escape the bonds of her arms. The constant motion of her body in tune with yours. The way you know you'd feel as you made love to her and her to you. How tortured the cries of passion from this nightmarish dream tempt you in your sleep. The way your lips have to kiss hers because if you didn't life would seem pointless. How feverishly your hands trembled across her skin because at last she was yours to have and she wanted you to take her. The pleasurable cries from her body make ecstasy seem silly with what caliber of passionate love the two of you were having.

But it's not really and that's why you toss and turn at night saying her name in your sleep like your heart is being ripped from your chest. You deserve it though. All the pain and all the agony. It becomes you and your dirty heart. So you live unable to move on passed a particular point. You age and will never know anything of love unless it is her. Though you look for someone to save you. You look for a freedom beyond your heart. But you wish to stay in prison forever.

Personal Entry

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 21:48:20 GMT

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I jsut wrote the longest entry ever in like forever!!!!!!!!!!!!! And it is GONE!!!

FUCK IT ALL!!!!! I even tried to post a picture. Oh vainity's sake! It kills me.

Nutshell summary. I was on okcupid and I was search a particualr category of women by age and one in particualr caught my eye. BUT oh no I knew that person and vowed to myself not to internet stalk because I seriously feel like a SUPER SUPER CREEEPY CREEPY FUCKING WEIRDO STALKER PERSON THIGN!!!!!!! i'm not correcting my typos.

again summary. Never wnat bad blood...oh fucking whoopy-dee-doo!

Also karma...is not my best friend...it loves taking bite after bite of me. Lots of lovely bites.

But I want to day life is going suprisingly well despite the fact I'm failing in college. Decided to opt for celabacy again! Oh frustration and pissiness here I come! XD

One mroe thing...I have someone I like but major problem...not gay. XD But if she is wondering about if she might be...i can help I really can. I'm so looking forward to that. It's liike my life blood atm I can't think of anything else.

Did I mention I fucked up today. Like fuckdy fuck fuck fuck!   Grrrrrr....

I deleted phone number and texts finally. Freedom feels so good. I never knew despite the fact that I by accidently stalked her !!!!!!!!

OH yeah....I'm going to be jobless at the end of this month. ^_^ " just everything I need right now. FUCKING AY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckf gieshguhjorijl ijo qwioj gruiogwroipiu q; oijrvaoij

Return to writing

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 21:13:57 GMT

So I have been GONE from the writing world I once belonged to in a long while and have decied perhap it is time that I return to the world of writing. I really long to write but I always blank out or find something else to do OR, my absolute favorite, what I write about gets me emo big time.

I had recently read over my favorite piece I wrote. Deadly Lovers was something else. I had a passion about that story that I am quite certain people don't even realize how upset I was when I killed my characters originally. But I had the issue of dark tragic love story has to come to an end so it can morph into a beautiful most romantic union of soulmates that makes Romeo and Juliet seem silly.

Yes Shiznat forever!

Anyhow...I'm gonna open another tab to my story LFIY and see what I can do with that because that storyline, the newarch was actually looking fairly promising.

-----------------------------------------

LFIY maybe ch 35

Descent into Denial; Kagutsuchi reborn

The bar was eerie instead of it's normal hype vibe when Ken had finally arrived to meet his old aquaintance who only went buy the name Goshi. From the appearance of Goshi the immediate thought that would cross anyone's mind was he had to be a member of punk-rock band. Goshi was man with geled black hair with crimson red tips with spikey-like tattoo adorning his neck; as if they were burst from his collarbone. His arms were also covered in an array of elaborate tattoos. His clothing really marked him as a punk rocker. He worn somewhat conforming pants with chains and had many different belt in a variety of colors. The colors usually seemed to just be skulls that were hot pink or neon thick green. The other belts were studded or had the look of a band of bullets. In Goshi's case some of those bullet might be really. His shirt was a simple white one with a print of the Ramones on the front. His face was handsome and soft, but edgy due his interest choice of facial piercings. His lips had spider bite piercings and his eyebrow had about three and he even had a piercing between his eyebrows. Ken walked over to Goshi with no alram at all.

"Goshi!" Ken boomed. The handsome punk-rocker turned to see his old acquaintance and grin as he sipped on a gin and tonic. "Looking as gruesome as ever dude."

"I can't say the same for you Kenshi." Goshi smiled still still at his barstool as Ken loomed near by before sitting down.

"Ken...say it with me...K-E-N." Ken said as he sat down next to Goshi. Goshi sipped his drink and snickered.

"So share we talk business, now." Goshi said with a very serious look upon his face. Ken nodded and the two both shifted personalities to suit the needs of their former jobs as hitmen. Obviously Goshi was still in the business of being a hitman.

"So do you need me to corner the targets or setup a location with traps?" Ken said as if he was already planning out multiple possibilities.

"Well, I'm helping my company do some personal venndetta work. The targets as supposely really strong people with very impressive...weapons. They've also killed many people too. They are on a rampage. The killed several agents that were off duty going to a college campus. They even killed one agent that was walking into their home." Goshi said placing his arm on the bar counter to shift in his seat. Ken's face was pale at hearing this news. His mind raced with worry thinking about what kind of killers these people could be and if he and Goshi were even enough to handle the situation.

"So, you think these fuck heads are here in Tokyo?" Ken said as he waved over the bartender.

"Yeah, they are. In fact they are in this very district. Hell you could have been waving them into this bar and never had known that they were mass murdering fuck heads." Goshi as he watched Ken down a shot of tequila.

"Holy shit, that isn't cool Goshi. I've got this...." Ken pause and blushed a bit lowering the seriousness of the conversation, but Goshi didn't care since he wasn't given a time limit on when exactly to excute his plan.

"Oh hey...what's this?" Goshi punched Ken against the chest gently.

"No, it's nothing. Let's get back to business." Ken stuttered. Goshi crossed his arm across his chest.

"Ken, I have all the time in the world to do this assignment. Besides I kind of lied to you about having the file. All I have is a voice mail from the ehad director asking me if I could do him a favor. I'm getting the pictures of the targets sometime in two days. And both you freak out about them. I've been told that they are laying low right now. So they won't be on a rampage anytime soon. Working for the D1 has been interesting. I'm like a contract killer for them, you know." Goshi said with a very carefree attitude. "So..."

"Okay, I'm living upstairs, right? And I've got these two hot lesbians that live with me." Goshi's eyes went wide and stared grinning like a pervert. "No, it's not liek that. They're awesome girls. They've had it hard. Run ins with the law and such. Simplely just misunderstood in my opinion, but I tell there isn't anything those two wouldn't do for ach other and they are pretty good fighters. We might ask them to help us setup this hit." Ken said with utmost assurance in his voice to where even goshi nodded in agreement.

"If they are use to that kind of life, I'm sure they could help. Now what else ren't you telling me." Goshi continued to pry for more information. Ken grinned and rubbed the back of his head.

"Well a friend of theirs came to visit, and she's...um..." Ken gulped a bit and grabbed the collar of his shirt as if to release some heat making Goshi laugh. "No, she's really intense. And damn, she's so hot...and stacked....but that isn't the reason I like her. Ah, hell, I don't know Goshi. She's got this frail look to her but she isn't so fragile. She's like her friends; tough and been through a lot of shit. Of course her story is probably a tad different than theirs."

Goshi was paying his tab and also paid for Ken's. The hitman was at a full stand waiting for Kento stand up.

"What's with this Goshi?" Ken said standing by his friend.

"They live upstairs. I don't have anything else to do tonight. Introduce me to your sexy busty vixen." Goshi said very seriously as if it was a matter of life and death. Ken nodded and the two left the bar and went around to the alley that lead to the stairs to his flat. The two eagerly stood at the door and Ken decided he just knock since he knew Mai was probably home with the other two still. The tall muscular man knock on his loft door and waited while his friend stood there smiling. A stomping sound could be heard approaching the door which signified a tired Natsuki ready to answer it.

"Oh, get ready this is one of the lesbians. She sounds tired from her walking. Might have just got done being muffed." Ken said laughing and Goshi laughed back and then the door openned to reveal a very awake Natsuki grinning with Mai wrapped around her like a monkey.

"Hey Ken...Mai just jumped me about hour ago because Shizuru was joking about how strong I've gotten in the last few months." Natsuki laughed. Mai blushed seeing two men gawking at her and Natsuki.

"Yeah, it is really amazing...Ken. She's just as strong as you are...I think, but I definitely think I could ride Natsuki all day." Mai chirped and all of sudden disappeared from the two hitmen's view.

"Ara, Mai-chan...you shouldn't say things like that Natsuki has a dirty mind." Shizuru's voice echoed from the bathroom. Ken looked to the ground to see Natsuki flat on her stomach and bright red in the face. "By the way, Nat-su-ki, the hot water is ready."

Mai slowly stood up and away from Natsuki and watched her quickly walk away from the door and disappear into the bathroom.

"GOMEN NATSUKI!!!!!" Mai yelled towards the door and looked back to the two men and blushed. "We should probably go. They haven't done anything with each other ALL day. And I'm not in the mood to hear someone else, let alone my friends, having hot passionate sex."

Goshi and Ken just nodded as Mai stepped outside with them and shut the door. Mai looked at Ken and then signaled to him to introduce his friend. Ken grinned as it seemed he just hadn't really stopped so he just grinned even more so he could show off Mai to Goshi.

"Mai this is my old co-worker, Goshi. Goshi this is Mai, the friend of the lesbians I told you about." Ken said and Mai elbowed him the gut. Ken coughed from the impact and rubbed his stomach.

"Hahahaha, woah, you are quite a women Mai. Nice to meet you." Goshi shook Mai's hand and then let go to punch Ken on the shoulder to add to his pain.

"So, Goshi-san, what kind of work did you and Ken use to do?" Mai asked with curiousity.

"We were hitmen." Goshi said as if it was an everyday common job like being a cashier at a grocery store. Mai just had that "oh" expression and paused as if waiting for more info. "Ken is no longer in teh business of killing of course. He just beats that crap out of people for living now. Nice step down I think. I however still do clean-up work for the company I work for. I'm like a contract killer."

"Woah, you really don't look the type. So do you kill bad people or whoever they tell you to?" Mai said seeming totally unphased by the profession. Ken seemed extremely impressed by Mai's composure.

Goshi rubbed the back of his head thinking about it. "Hmmm, well you know I usually perfer to think everyone I kill on contract has done something to warrant them being killed." mai nodded with enthusiaism. "Like for instance, I came to ask Kenshi."

"Kenshi?" Mai looked at Ken who was at a full blush now and Goshi had the "oh shit" expression. "Yeah, his old name, doesn't really like it. And I'm sure he didn't want you to know it. hehehe ANy how, yeah I came up to the bar to ask Ken if he could help with the assignment I got from D1, the company I'm hired by...quite often. They've got A LOT of people that they want dead and no way of proving it was them. My job." Goshi shrugged and Mai laughed. "But he said you and your lesbian buddies have some freaky skills and you might be able to help us. What do you think? Our targets are suppose to be real fuckers? Murdering inccoent people at random-type shit."

"I'm sure we'll be able to help you." Mai said serious and her seriosu expression broke along with the others as they soon realized they were still standing by the door when they heard an extremmely pleased moan coming from what sounded like Shizuru. They allquickly scrambled dow the stairs and stood for awhile in silence and then busted out in laughter.

"Hey, Ken, you and Mai have a good night. those lesbians gave me an idea. I'm going home to see my wife." Goshi said quickly running off. Ken had a horrified look on his face.

"What's wrong KENSHI?" Mai teased, but it had no affect on Ken.

"He doesn't have a wife...but he does have vibrator he calls wife." Ken said blankly staring in the direction Goshi ran off in. Mai was also standing facing that direction now with a simuliar blank expression.

--------------------------------

I think that was pretty good! Yeah, not a lot of ShizNat but it's my longest running story and it deserves shiznat breaks.

inked

Sun, 08 Mar 2009 07:01:49 GMT

I have another tattoo now. It's on my forearm of the right arm. Just two words. yeah...I'm that masochistic to myself, but it means something to me...even if I have to wait to the next life.

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 04:37:38 GMT

there has never been a day I haven't thought of being with you. and I will never give into the idea that I cannot see you, touch you....one day. We have at least that much. either that I'm just a fool alone wondering blindly with madness as my guide.

and your song rings in my head softly and quakes within my heart easily.

Let's...

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 04:10:20 GMT

So I'm personally rewatching the third season of Sailormoon; Sailormoon S. And well I just got done watching episode 17. In that episode it reveals how Haruka (Sailor Uranus) meets Michiru (Sailor Neptune). Aka, how they were destined to be together, but that she wasn't stalking Haruka because of the "end of the world" thing but because she secretly had the hots for. They say it so much nicer than I do. But the end of the episode is what caught me off guard. I haven't seen all of the third season uncut before. The last lines went like this:

Haruka: Let's cruise like this forever...

Michiru: Ara

Haruka: I'm not letting you go home tonight.

Michiru: -giggle- Oh my

End

_cough cough- Oh my indeed. ^_~

On quick personal aside. I'm attempting the impossible. I'm trying to quit smoking. I got advice from a friend who helps me out with another bad habit who also smokes. He told me to inconvinence myself from smoking. So I put all my cigarettes in my car that is in the parking lot...which is outside...of course...but its out there. Outside the apartment, down the hall, down the stairs, down some more stairs and walk to my car...unlock my car and get the cigarettes...WALK all teh back to my apartment for a lighter and then walk ALL the walk back to put up the cigarettes. GOOD IDEA!!!!

The other impossible is me working out. By god....and I mean it...because that Man is watching. I will get back into shape!!!!!

The end

ps: I almost got into a head on collision with another car...we did touch but barely..I totally blame myself for this incident.

Long wait

Tue, 20 Jan 2009 07:51:02 GMT

The rain cascaded across the stairs as Ken descended to a meeting he'd never be able turn back from. The fates had come to deal a fatal blow to the delicate balance the hidden HiMes ....

GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry just not in the writing mood much anymore. I can write smut anytime, but NOOO I just can't seem to write all that wonderful drama packed fic.

I can prove it too!

Rough Smut

....

The panting sounds grew louder, but the actions at which the sounds were sent to a sudden stop as a furious banging came to the door of the Headmaster's office.

"Matte..." A slightly husky out of breath voice sighed. "The...uh...d-door....Shizuru..."

The banging of the door continued and seemed even louder than the last time. Outside stood a very angry Meistar who had been stood up for the last time.

"I know you two can hear me! Now stop fucking each other and get your asses outside right now!" Yelled the busty blonde.

Back in the office the two struggled to free themselves from the delights of the interaction.

"Ara, always something to take from satisfying my Natsuki-chan." Shizuru purred as she pushed off from the desk. A slightly embarassed Natsuki turned her head to the side and sighed.

"Mou, I wanted nothing of this Shizuru. You just burst into my office. Locked the door! Turned on the sound buffer and scattered all my paper work on the floor...just like all the other times this week." Natsuki pouted as sat up coming face to face with a teary eyed Shizuru. "Don't you dare. I'm not the guilty one here!"

"But I thought Natsuki loved me and wanted me always." Shizuru fake pouted and natsuki sighed as she went to grab her clothes that were tossed to the other half of the office. Shizuru sucked at her teeth seeing how easily natsuki fought back this time, but she grinned to herself as she watched her naked lover. "Ara, I think Natsuki should walk around school like that."

Natsuki stopped dead in her tracks and turned her head to face Shizuru. The mortified shock on her face instantly made Shizuru giggle.

"Aren't we getting a bit old for this..." Natsuki said all red faced thinking about an almost incident that occurred three nights ago after Shizuru and her drank far too much. "You can be so cruel to me at times....but you're right about one thing."

Shizuru face went blank as she grabbed her near by clothes and starting getting dressed. "And what would that be, my darling Headmaster?" natsuki grinned and walked over fully dressed.

"I'm never fully satisfied." Natsuki purred as pulled Shizuru to her and then pushed the Meistar on the couch as she walked to the door. "Better get that dress zipped up, my darling Meistar." Natsuki said in a smooth husky tone. Shizuru face was bright red as she finished zipping her dress up.

Natsuki turned off the sound buffer by the door as Shizuru grabbed the papers on the floor. the banging continued and Natsuki sighed one last time before opening the door standing to side as she did. Haruka quickly came stumbling on in.

"It's about time..." haruka said looking around noticing Shizuru sitting at the desk sorting though papers. Haruka quickly looked back at Natsuki. The blue haired woman seemed noticably stressed, but looking around the room you'd never know of their activities. "...oh...so you two were doing work together at the desk. "

"Yes...very hard work." Shizuru said sighing. "You interrupted us as we were reaching the end of it. I ended up scattering all the papers and I have to go through all of them now. " Shizuru pout and Natsuki managed to fight her blush back.

"Oh, so how hard was the paper work?" haruka asked staying put. Shizuru looked at natsuki and smirked.

"I had to push Natsuki hard on it. She was fighting against my hands the entire time." Shizuru said in her velvety accent. Natsuki's face went bright.

"ENOUGH!" Natsuki almost squeaked. Haruka looked back at her. "talk about work...that is. Do you mind haruka?"

"You two were really working!" The easily baffled Haruka said. "I'll leave you be for the rest of the week then. "

---------------------------------------

OMG not a good idea to write this before bed. >_<

Enjoy

Melody of the Heart

Mon, 15 Dec 2008 16:12:00 GMT

The girl stands at cross roads never knowing the path of life. Who does though? She wondered. Why do I have to walk down a road? In front of her passed the fork way was field that went into a forest and what was in the forest and beyond no one knew as well. The girl however saw this as another path. The path where she knew just slightly what she was going into until she reached the thick. So into the thick she ventured never to return to the girl she once was.

Blue Bird

Thu, 11 Dec 2008 04:31:08 GMT

It was the image of the blue bird that kept me going
The thought of its lustrous flame billowing outward
The sweet fragrance of burning paper and tobacco
Slowly wafts through my parted lips and to my lungs
Plunging forth a raging haze that only the blue bird knows
Indulgence to forget all past scars and woes

Sat, 06 Dec 2008 00:48:15 GMT

[I'm Haru!] Which Avatar character are you?

IM ch 10 cont

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 18:56:25 GMT

The future always seemed bleak when the matters of heart seemed to just crash in. For Shizuru however pushing onward was all the chestnut haired woman could do. She sat in the cafeteria waiting for her unlikely comrade, Haruka, to show up with the pre-arranged meals.

"You tea drinking moron! You are sitting near common folk again." Haruka's agitated voice rang out from behind. Shizuru paid no attention and just vacantly stared off into distance of busy student, her eyes searching the masses just for masochistic glimpse at Natsuki. Haruka placed the food in front of Shizuru and sat down in front of her to distract the woman from her pathetic attempts at staying depressed.

"Get over it." Haruka said before she consumed her first fork full of chicken alfredo.

"What?" Shizuru said in a daze. Haruka gave her a peeved glance.

"You know exactly what I mean. You crash and burn sometimes honey. Swelling on it will only make it worse." Haruka said firmly. Shizuru chuckled and Haruka got a vacant blank expression. "Did I do it again?" Shizuru grinned and laughed nodding. "What word for word?"

"You said swell and I'm certain you meant dwell." Shizuru snickered.

The sounds of laughter went from one end of the cafeteria to another as a certain orange haired girl perked up her head in response.

"Well it certainly sounds like someone's day is going good..." Mai then looked across the table at Natsuki, "unlike Ms. I'm-stuck-on-PMS mode for about a whole month now!" Natsuki turned her head away and crossed her arms across her chest.

"Mai-chan, don't pick on poor Natsuki. It's not her fault that she's got a stick up her ass." Midori said poking Mai's side gently. Mai laughed and Natsuki turned red from anger and grit her teeth.

"Oh, I like that shade of red Natsuki." Akane chirped. Natsuki's anger quickly switch to embarassment as her head shifted downward she she could stare at her knees alone. "Anyhow. Mai-chan?"

"Yes, Akane-chan." Mai said playfully. Akane leaned forward and looked back and forth between Midori and Mai.

"What's the story between you two?" Akane whispered. Midori's right hand went to the back of her head and she laughed sarcastically to herself as Mai turned a far shade of red.

"Oh, that red looks better of Mai, Akane." Natsuki laughed and Akane joined in.

That's all I have for now.